Spin Class = Usually An Excellent Workout

 I'm not sure how many of you are familiar with the spin classes that are available at virtually every gym, but they are something worth checking out. I recently got into the habit of going regularly. My initial motive for going was to meet girls since they make up the majority of most spin classes, but I quickly discovered how beneficial spin can be for serious athletes. It gives you a solid 45 minutes of high intensity cardio while strengthening your leg muscles at the same time. I usually burn 750 - 800 calories in each session. In addition, it's motivating to push yourself when you have a serious spin instructor that works hard to get everyone into it. The usual instructor is fantastic, but unfortunately she will be out of town for the next 2 weeks. I went today to get a taste of what the replacement instructor was like.

O.....M.....F.....G!!!!! That was the worst spin class I have ever had the misfortune of attending. I'd rather get a colonoscopy from Edward Scissorhands than go back! First of all, she was late, which left me utterly dumbfounded when I found myself setting up my bike in a room by myself. I actually began to question whether or not spin class was today.

The class started with just the teacher, my friend ( Mikey), and myself. None of the usual folks showed up most likely due to the fact that the normal instructor was not teaching the class. Mikey and I were having a casual conversation for a while like it was a peaceful Sunday morning ride through the park, because the instructor was so nonchalant about everything. After about 10 minutes, a horde of random people showed up that I've never seen in my entire life. It felt like the twilight zone. Everyone set their bikes up in the left corner of the room instead of forming the usual semi-circle around the teacher, so there was no organization whatsoever. She didn't make us do any standard hill climbs or hill hovers...Doesn't surprise me though. She looked more winded than a 1 legged chicken in a butt kicking contest. She did about 8 total 30 second sprints that were loosely scattered throughout the class with no rhyme or reason. She only mentioned shifting gears about 3 times, so most of the time everyone did their own thing. From what I could tell, most people were just sitting down and spinning at 50 rpms in a low gear. They could have burned more calories eating celery.

And don't get me started on the music!!!! By golly gee whiz! We were subjected to some funky ass tribal music that was a total ripoff of the Lion King minus the raw emotion and inspirational vibes...It was laughably strange more than anything else. I was so confused. Where were the upbeat remixes?? I didn't know whether to pedal or get off my bike and bang bongo drums to celebrate the sacrificing of a wild boar that would feed the entire village. The music was at a good volume, but her mumbling throughout the class was hardly audible. Maybe if I was deaf and could read lips, I would have gotten more out of it. I don't know if she smoked a bowl before class, but she was saying some pretty trippy things. Sometimes she would close her eyes, spread her arms, and say things along the lines of, "Feel the music. We're biking through the jungle. Can you see the trees?" Her behavior was reminiscent of Whoopee Goldberg's character from the movie The Ghost....You know, the crazy fortune teller?

The majority of the people left before the class was over. For the cool down stretching at the end, she didn't tell any of us what to do. She just did her own thing. All in all, I would give her a 1.5/10. She gets a free point for it being her first time teaching the class (I'm assuming), and I give her the extra 0.5 for her winning attitude. But taking into account her cheesy lines like, "Time flies when you're biking fun (whatever that means)," and factoring in everything else that I have already said, she doesn't deserve any brownie points. Originally, when the spin instructor announced she was going out of town, I was offered a chance to teach the class. I turned it down with the fear that I would not be able to teach it as well as the normal instructor, but having spin class turned into a cultural circus was such a mood killer!